let's risk the ocean, there's only grace

In the midst of all the chaos of finals, I can't help but to pull away and reflect on life around me. It's been far too long since I've taken the time to slow down and soak it all in. It's been an interesting semester, to say the least, coming off of the best summer of my life - hands down.

Personally, it's been a battle. I spent at least the first month of my time here in Ann Arbor this semester absolutely hating where I was. Not a day went by that I didn't wish I were somewhere else. And I knew exactly where that somewhere else was. My [c]hurch. More importantly though, my home [C]hurch, being the body of people I built such a strong community with over the summer as I found my new desire for the church as a whole. I was willing to give anything to be back in that place, back with those people. Most readily available to give up... my Michigan education. I was emailing back and forth with the admissions office of a school closer to home, my application all filled out, and my current credit audit in hand. I was ready to go. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my school. The opportunity to be a Michigan Wolverine is not something I take for granted. But I love my church a whole lot more. Long story short, as our God does so flawlessly, he revealed himself to me through his Word in one of my devotionals and brought me back to reality. I think I was in Romans 15 at the time. Paul was writing to the Romans explaining how he wanted to be with them so badly, being away from them for years. And then it hit me... Paul ends the passage telling them that he will return to them at the first chance of God's will, and that his return would be in the fullness of Christ. The fullness of Christ. And there I was wallowing over being away for two, maybe three weeks. At that time, I knew I was where I belonged, and that time when God's will allowed for me to be back home and in my church, it would be in that same fullness of Christ as Paul wrote about. So here I am, in Ann Arbor, confident of the path the Lord has set before me.

When I finally found myself at peace with my life, I thought things would be smooth sailing from there. I don't know why I ever think that... it never actually happens. I don't think life will ever be smooth sailing, and I'm okay with that. Actually, I rejoice in that. But honestly, it wasn't all the great things in life that sat me down tonight to reflect. It was the brokenness of life all around me. Day after day, new prayer requests are brought to light as we realize we can't fight our battles on our own. Without a word needing to be spoken between us, I share the broken heart of my best friend for a loved one. I'm reminded of my own broken relationships and how I wish with every ounce of my soul that my heart would soften. I've noticed a new trend on Twitter right out of Zeeland (and even slowly spreading here to Ann Arbor) called #ConfessionNight. I feel lost in all of the struggles I read, but I praise God for the vulnerability he has brought about and the opportunity to share his name through that. I see people I love turn towards all but the desires of the Living God who lavishes us with his very Spirit to lead us in this life. My heart breaks knowing that their immediate satisfaction only leads to eternal dissatisfaction. Pain surrounds us in all walks of life, and it breaks my heart most when we try to pretend as though it doesn't.

Pain does exist. It is real. But in that pain, we understand just how broken we are and just how much we need the grace of our Savior. As I was walking home from work this evening, the song "Sometimes" by David Crowder Band began playing, and all sorts of emotions began filling my heart. Here are the lyrics:

Sometimes every one of us feels
Like we’ll never be healed
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us aches
Like we’ll never be saved
Sometimes

When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
‘Til we’re rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow

It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
Sometimes

Sometimes
It’s like we’ll never atone
For all the love we’ve known
Sometimes
Like in a smile or a song
When you feel it come
And that feeling’s gone
It flies

When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
Feel it rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow

It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
Don’t be afraid
Don’t be afraid
Just set your sail

And risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace

This song has been the cry of my heart this semester, my prayer.. I pray that we see this life as it is, a sea without a shore where we are so lost in the Lord's love that we will follow wherever he goes. I pray that we risk this ocean knowing that there is only grace before us. This is nothing more in this life. Nothing we have done can take away our grace. Nothing more we do can earn us any more grace. It is this gift of God that we receive as we draw near to him and he satisfies our every desire. He is love. He is good. He is God. = )

peace and love y'all,

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." [Ephesians 2:8-10]